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27 June 2020 @ 05:45 am
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life and such.  I'm already 21, and I ain't gettin' any younger over here.  There are so many things I want to do before I die, and I think that I am approaching the perfect time of my life to do them!  When better to be completely reckless than when you're in your 20s??

So, without further ado, I present to you 30 things to do before I'm 30, in no particular order:

1. Run away. November 10, 2012.
2. Ride on a motorcycle.
3. See a play on Broadway.
4. Visit a Harry Potter theme park.
5. Travel to a foreign country. June 2, 2015
6. Take my dog to the snow. December 27, 2012
7. Have a New Year's Eve kiss. December 31, 2013
8. Go to Warped Tour. June 24, 2012.
9. Go to Hawaii. May 24, 2014
10. Go skydiving.
11. Go parasailing. May 27, 2014
12. Hike to a waterfall. June 27, 2015
13. Have a real, true best friend. April 14, 2012
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Long board. June 23, 2013
16. Visit the giant redwoods.
17. Go geocaching.
18. Dye my hair. January 12, 2012.
19. Take some kind of dance lessons, like Hawaiian, hip hop, or tap.
20. Go to a Harry Potter conference!
21. Run a 10k.
22. Celebrate Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
23. Take a tour of the White House.
24. Meet a Starkid.
25. Run a 5k "fun run" with some friends!!
26. Be endowed in the temple. February 15, 2014
27. Ask a boy out on a date. June 22, 2013
28. Own real pearls. February 13, 2014
29. Learn to play an instrument.
30. Be part of a wedding party. May 23, 2014
16 July 2014 @ 09:27 am

I've been hearing a lot of discussion lately about whether or not women should change their name after they get married.  I've heard a lot of arguments against it, but no one seems to be talking about why they should.

I'm not saying all women need to change their name when they get married; far from it.  But I think that in every marriage, at least one partner should.

So why did I change my name?  Because my husband and I talked about it, and agreed I would.

My Last Name Is Not Part of My Identity
I might have it easier than some people.  I have a unique first name.  As such, it is probably more of my identity than my last name.  But Tierney Roth is who I am.  It's who I've grown up as.

But it's just a couple words.  "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."  Is being called "Tierney" the reason I love romantic comedies and kids' movies?  Is being called "Roth" the reason I love glitter and board games?


You could definitely argue that being part of my family has contributed to parts, or all, of my personality and identity.  Sure.  But none of that changes now that my ID card says "Turner."  I still love kids' movies and glitter (much to the dismay of my husband).

My last name, on paper, is not part of my identity.  Being a Roth, and growing up with Roths... sure, that's part of my identity.  But it's just as much part of my identity as being a Bieber* (my mother's maiden name).  Having been part of my family did not change when I got married, and it will never change.  Being a Roth will be just as much a part of my children's identities as being a Turner, just like it was for me.

Marriage Is NOT About Retaining Your Individuality
You do not keep your individual identity when you get married.  You just don't.  The point of getting married is to become one family with your spouse (whether you choose to have kids or not).  When you get married, you do not have a "mine" and "theirs."  You have "ours."  I had a big problem during our engagement with talking about "my wedding."  Sam had to remind me (more often than I'd like to admit) that it wasn't my wedding.  It was our wedding.

As a family, you need to be united under one name.  You need to have "OUR," not "mine and yours."  When you choose to keep different names, your family is never "our."  It is "hers and his."  You are making it clear to the world that you are two separate people with separate names and separate bank accounts and separate lives.  When one or both of you changes your name, you are telling the world you are one in purpose, one in identity, and one family (also known as....married).

Marriage Is About Compromise
There are a lot of things you sacrifice when you get married.  I sacrificed having the whole bed to my dog and myself, but now I share it with another human who doesn't want animals under the covers (who knows why).  Sam and I have both had to sacrifice ways of doing things.

For example, every year on Christmas, my family has a special breakfast (sticky rolls, which my mom makes only a couple times a year).  Then we eat our big "Christmas Dinner" for lunch, around 1:00 pm.  Later, we have leftovers for dinner, on TV trays, while watching a movie.

Sam's family, however, eats Reese's Puffs for breakfast, and has their big "Christmas Dinner" at, well, dinnertime.  No TV trays are involved.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that we can't do both in our little family.  That's where compromise and sacrifice come in.

We give and take in marriage.  The important thing is that we talk about it and decide together.  We both need to be open and honest with ourselves and each other.  And, most importantly, we need to be willing to compromise.  We decide together what we want for our family.

One or Both of You Needs to Change Your Last Name
The name you choose doesn't need to be the man's name and it doesn't need to be the woman's name.  You need to discuss it with your partner and honestly communicate your feelings.  And then decide, together, who will change their name.

Sam and I had this conversation a few times.  We talked about Sam changing his last name to Roth, but I really didn't want to keep Roth.  We talked about both of us changing our last name to a random one we both liked, but that conversation never went too far.  We talked about using the name of his ancestors who fled Nazi Germany to Canada (they changed their name to Turner when they arrived in Canada).

Ultimately we decided on Turner because we both liked it.  Even before we were dating, I told Sam I thought that Tierney Turner sounded cute (which he adamantly disagreed with then, but loves now).  It would be a lot easier to just do it the old fashion way, especially since neither of us cared too much one way or the other.  Sam did reassure me (countless times) that if I wanted to keep my last name, he would gladly take it.

Why You Shouldn't Hyphenate
Keep in mind, if you choose to hyphenate your last names (Roth-Turner), you then make it very difficult for your children to do the same thing.  Say your daughter, Simone Roth-Turner, grows up and marries someone named David Conner-Nielsen.  Then they will be David and Simone Roth-Turner-Conner-Nielsen.  That's unrealistic.  Obviously they will drop one to three of their names.  And then little grandbaby Josh Nielsen might not have any of the women's names anyway.

Here is a list of ideas that you can pull for your family's last name, which don't involve hyphens:
His last name
Her last name
His mother's maiden name
Her mother's maiden name
An ancestor's name
A name that has no connection to your family, that you've always liked
Your favorite author's name
Your favorite fictional character's name
A mix of your last names (Rothner just didn't sound good to us)


My point here is this: you get married to become united as one family.  One family should have one last name.  Whether that's the woman's or the man's or neither, you need to decide together.  Don't just assume you will change your last name because you are the woman/man.  And don't just assume that you will keep your last name, and your wife/husband can deal.

That's not how marriage works.

Tierney Bieber-Roth-Marvelo -Turner*

*names changed for security reasons

I do not want the Priesthood, nor do I believe women should have it.  I have a strong testimony of the Church and of President Monson's calling.  The fact is that whether the Church is sexist or not (and according to political theory of patriarchies and sexism, it is), I still believe it.  Which means I know that if the Lord wanted it to be different, it would be.  And I trust his judgement so much more than I trust my own.
But I am so sick of being told, over and over and over and over and over again, that I am EQUAL.
I know I have divine worth.  I know that Heavenly Father doesn't love me any more or any less than He loves my male, Priesthood-holding brothers.  And I know that I am equal.  What I don't know is how much the brethren know this.
It seems to me that everyone is eager to jump down the throats of the women who are asking or protesting for the Priesthood.  Don't get me wrong -- I am not seeking the Priesthood and I do not approve of protesting to get it.
But the fact remains that these are real women.  They aren't just crazy, immature "nothings" who are shouting as loud as they can to get attention.  These women are REAL.  They are PEOPLE.  They have feelings and opinions and minds -- they can think for themselves and they are impacted by the world as much as any of us are.  They are crying out to be heard.  And we need to listen to them.
WHY are women feeling this way?  WHY do they not realize they don't need the Priesthood?  And, most importantly, WHO IS MAKING THEM FEEL THIS WAY?  I'll give you a hint -- it's not their mothers.
I've seen sexism ALL THE TIME in countless wards I've attended.  But I'm not going to get into trying to prove to you that many men in the church are sexist and rude.  That's a circle I do not want to be part of.  Either believe it or not, but know that I SEE IT.  I notice it and it affects me, and I KNOW that it affects other women as well.
The church is perfect.  The people are not.  Women need to stop protesting for the Priesthood, and men need to stop making women feel like they need to.
The prophets are ALWAYS teaching men of all ages to treat women with the respect they deserve.  But not everyone follows this counsel, and, more importantly, a lot of men misunderstand it.  They don't think making rude comments about a woman is the same as not loving her.  They don't believe that there's anything wrong with standing up in the middle of Sacrament meeting and telling the men that the only reason women are good at indexing is because you don't need to leave the kitchen to do it.  They don't realize that they have been commanded to listen to women and regard their opinions and genuinely believe in their capabilities and potential.
More than anything, not all men understand the divine worth of women.  They believe that women are dependent upon them for exercising Priesthood power (which is true), but they don't see themselves as dependent upon women.  Being dependent upon someone without them being dependent on you does NOT make you equal.
You men are not better than me because you can give blessings and hold different callings and go on 2-year missions.  Say whatever you want, but I have encountered more men than I can list who HAVE felt this way and who HAVE treated me like this.  (There's a reason there's a stereotype in Utah about the "Provo All-Star.")
Thinking this way -- either subconsciously or on purpose -- is WRONG.
You have been CALLED to respect women.  You have been COMMANDED by the Lord to treat women with love and respect.  You are EXPECTED to not abuse your Priesthood authority to control or manipulate your wife, or any other woman.
I think that the first step in making all women realize that they are equal, is to TREAT THEM like they are equal.  Church leaders and bloggers and husbands and Relief Society presidents can shout until their faces are blue that WE ARE EQUAL, WE HAVE DIFFERENT ROLES, WE HAVE DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES, WOMEN ARE MOTHERS, WOMEN DON'T NEED THE PRIESTHOOD.
But I'm not the one who needs to hear it.
12 September 2013 @ 11:17 am

It is important to know how to have and keep good relationships healthy—with family, friends, significant others, etc. Healthy relationships increase our self-esteem, improve mental and emotional health, and help us have fuller lives. We should each strive to find out the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Part 1: Pick someone in your life to evaluate how your relationship is with them according to the following questions (in your journal).

Do you take responsibility for your own feelings and needs?
I am getting much better at this.  With Nic and Aaron, I was really terrible at it.  With Sam, it's a lot easier to be happy doing my own thing and letting him be happy doing his own thing.  I've grown a lot, but I can still totally improve.  No one's perfect.

What are your fears in this relationship? Abandonment? Engulfment?
My fears are that in twenty or thirty years, he's not going to be the person he is now.  He won't be kind and compassionate and helpful and hardworking.  But I think I'm realizing now, that of course he isn't going to be the same person.  No one is.  Everyone grows and changes throughout the decades.  I have to pick the right guy who I believe I'll have the best chance of happiness with - and that is Sam.

Do you let others interfere with your relationship?
I need to work on this one a little.  I can definitely work a little harder on not sharing absolutely everything with everyone.  I want to follow the rule of not talking badly about your partner - ever.

Are you easily offended?
I hope I'm not!  I'm trying really hard to not take things too seriously.  I think that's probably one of my biggest weaknesses, and also strengths.  If I don't let myself be offended, then I won't be.  I just have to work on not being offended ;)

Do you know when to end a relationship? When is it the best option?
You have to end a relationship when you realize that the person you're dating is NOT the person you want to be married to.  You cannot change a man - he has to already be good before you marry him.

Part 2: Pick someone in which you could have a better relationship with. Write down things you can do to strengthen that relationship, whether it is being more honest, serving them more, planning an activity with them, or being open about something you need to talk to them about. Then, DO it!

I need to put forth effort every. single. day.  I need to make sure I text her every day, and call her at least once a week.  I haven't been so good at those.  I really need to invest in her life, and pay attention to the things she's doing.

I want to support her as much as I can before her mission!

I really need to make more of an effort to hang out with them more often.  I don't need to spend every waking moment with Sam.

11 September 2013 @ 11:25 am
Part 1: Try to have a media-free day.  Do not listen to music, watch TV/movies, surf the internet, etc.  Instead of listening to what the media tells you, pay attention to your own thoughts today.  Ask yourself: is what I'm thinking really true?  Practice challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with more truthful ones.

Part 2: Think about the way the media you watch or listen to influences the way you feel about yourself and about others.  Write about it in your journal.  Does it encourage positive feelings toward yourself?  Do you feel more respect toward yourself and others during and after the media viewing/listening?  Write down the qualities in media that have helped you feel uplifted and more appreciative of all that Heavenly Father gave you, and realize your power and potential.

Since this challenge is supposed to be media-free, I'll post about it tomorrow :)
11 September 2013 @ 11:22 am
1. In your journal, make a list of 10 things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance.  2. Make a list of 10 things you like about your appearance.

Not My Appearance
1. I'm funny.
2. I'm smart.
3. I laugh a lot.
4. I have a unique name.
5. I put a lot of work into FHE/institute, etc.
6. I am fiercely loyal to Michaela.
7. I put a lot of effort into my relationship with Sam.
8. I try to be friends with people if they never did anything wrong to me.
9. I am a good story teller.
10. I read a lot.

My Appearance
1. My full bottom lip
2. My green eyes
3. My skinny hands
4. My nice fingernails
5. My toe length
6. My long legs
7. My dark, thick eyebrows
8. My perfect height
9. My skin complexion
10. The freckles on my shoulders
11 September 2013 @ 11:15 am
Read your Patriarchal Blessing and pay special attention to any mention of your strengths, gifts, and talents.  You might ask your parents or closest friends what gifts they see in you.  Make a list of these in your journal.
  Heavenly Father often reveals our gifts to us through our passions and desires, the things we really love to do.  Also, he may specifically state them in our Patriarchal Blessing.

"Spiritual gifts are blessings or abilities given by God to His children through the power of the Holy Ghost. Gifts of the Spirit are given to bless and benefit those who love the Lord and seek to keep His commandments." (Gospel Topics)

Patriarchal Blessing
-strength and power to overcome the problems that come my way
-see problems and make the right choices
-understanding and knowledge
-things will come easy for me in school
-blessings that I will need in order to fulfill my education
-healthy, strong body
-overcome the problems that Satan has in our lives
-strong enough to overcome anything
-good, proper, true life
-great blessings for believing & living the Gospel
-find a husband ;)
-new & everlasting covenant that God has put on the earth for us
-I will have a family born in the covenant
-I will love my life
-I will have a great life
-first resurrection with my husband and family

D&C 46
9 For verily I say unto you, [gifts] are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do; that all may be benefited that seek or that ask of me, that ask and not for a sign that they may consume it upon their lusts.

10 And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church.

11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.

12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

13 To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.

14 To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.

15 And again, to some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know the differences of administration, as it will be pleasing unto the same Lord, according as the Lord will, suiting his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men.

16 And again, it is given by the Holy Ghost to some to know the diversities of operations, whether they be of God, that the manifestations of the Spirit may be given to every man to profit withal.

17 And again, verily I say unto you, to some is given, by the Spirit of God, the word of wisdom.

18 To another is given the word of knowledge, that all may be taught to be wise and to have knowledge.

19 And again, to some it is given to have faith to be healed;

20 And to others it is given to have faith to heal.

21 And again, to some is given the working of miracles;

22 And to others it is given to prophesy;

23 And to others the discerning of spirits.

24 And again, it is given to some to speak with tongues;

25 And to another is given the interpretation of tongues.

26 And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God.

27 And unto the bishop of the church, and unto such as God shall appoint and ordain to watch over the church and to be elders unto the church, are to have it given unto them to discern all those gifts lest there shall be any among you professing and yet be not of God.

28 And it shall come to pass that he that asketh in Spirit shall receive in Spirit;

29 That unto some it may be given to have all those gifts, that there may be a head, in order that every member may be profited thereby.

30 He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God; wherefore it is done even as he asketh.

31 And again, I say unto you, all things must be done in the name of Christ, whatsoever you do in the Spirit;

32 And ye must give athanks unto God in the Spirit for whatsoever blessing ye are blessed with.

33 And ye must practice virtue and holiness before me continually. Even so. Amen.

More of My Gifts
-Voice (writing)
-Good judgement of character
-Good control of my emotions (if I put forth the effort)
-Good with money
11 September 2013 @ 10:52 am
Ever wonder where our idea of "beauty" comes from? Ever thought about where it should come from?  Search the definition of beauty in the scriptures and in talks from our church leaders today and write about your thoughts in your journal.  How does this definition contrast to the one our culture promotes?  How will you define beauty?  How will you reflect this definition this week and always?

Obviously, true beauty doesn't come from the outside.  It comes from the Spirit.  When you are virtuous, loving, kind, and chaste, that beauty glows from within you, and makes you beautiful.  God has made each and every one of us.  God doesn't make ugly things.  We are all daughters of our Heavenly Father, and he sees us as we really are.  Kind of like in Shallow Hal.  When we start paying attention to our gifts and strengths, we start paying attention to how beautiful we really are.

Reading these talks and scriptures has really solidified the desire in me to be virtuous - to be the kind of woman that you would read about in scripture, or the kind of woman you would pay attention to during a fireside.  I want to be that woman who defines herself by the gifts she gives - not by the physical "beauty" she was given.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Here are some excerpts:

The Lord’s counsel to Joshua is His counsel to you today, the “youth of the noble birthright.” 5 “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” 6 You are not alone! Though you may be the only Latter-day Saint in your school or your group of friends or even your family, you are not alone. You can rely on the strength of the Lord. As Joshua said to the Israelites, “Sanctify yourselves: for to morrow the Lord will do wonders among you.” 7 This was Joshua’s call for a return to virtue, and it is the same call to us today. We simply cannot do the work we have been reserved and prepared to do unless we can access the strength and confidence that comes by living a virtuous life.

Young women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, remember who you are! You are elect. You are daughters of God. You cannot be a generation of young women who are content to fit in. You must have the courage to stand out, to “arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations.”

After we had finished, he leaned back in his chair and reached for his wife’s hand and said, “Now, young women, I would like you to meet my queen.” There seated next to him was his wife, Emma Ray McKay. Although she did not wear a crown of sparkling diamonds, nor was she seated on a throne, I knew she was a true queen. Her white hair was her crown, and her pure eyes sparkled like jewels. As President and Sister McKay spoke of their family and their life together, their intertwined hands spoke volumes about their love. Joy radiated from their faces. Hers was a beauty that cannot be purchased. It came from years of seeking the best gifts, becoming well educated, seeking knowledge by study and also by faith. It came from years of hard work, of faithfully enduring trials with optimism, trust, strength, and courage. It came from her unwavering devotion and fidelity to her husband, her family, and the Lord.

Recently, a group of young women visited my office. At the end of the visit, one young woman confided with tears in her eyes, “I have never thought of myself as beautiful. I have always felt very ordinary. But today, as I walked past the mirror in your office and glanced into it, I was beautiful!” She was beautiful because her face shone with the Spirit. She saw herself as our Heavenly Father sees her. She had received His image in her countenance. That is deep beauty.

I testify that as you draw close to the Savior, His infinite Atonement makes it possible for you to repent, to change, to be pure, and to receive His image in your countenance.
I thought it would be a good idea to keep track of the books I finish this year. I add them all to my goodreads.com account, but I thought keeping track of them here might motivate me to finish them on time.

My goal is to finish two books every three weeks! This shouldn't be too hard, since I have a week and a half to finish just one book. By the end of the year, I'll have read at least THIRTY-FIVE books!

January 1 - January 19
The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith

January 20 - February 9
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
Legend by Marie Lu

February 10 - March 2
Divergent by Veronica Roth
Wonder by R.J. Palacio

March 3 - March 23
Started Insurgent by Veronica Roth but didn't finish it.

March 24 - April 13
Started Prodigy by Marie Lu

April 14 - May 4
Prodigy by Marie Lu

May 5 - May 25
Silent to the Bone by E.L. Konigsburg (audiobook)

May 26 - June 15
The Lost Gate by Orson Scott Card (audiobook)
The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

June 16 - July 6
Peter Nimble and his Fantastic Eyes by Jonathan Auxier

July 7 - July 27
Uglies by Scott Westerfeld
Insurgent by Veronica Roth

July 28 - August 17
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
Reached by Ally Conde

August 18 - September 7
Read 3 books

September 8 - September 28
Read 3 books

September 29 - October 19
Read 3 books

October 20 - November 9
Read 2 books

November 10 - November 30 Thanksgiving
Read 2 books

December 1 - December 21
Read 2 books

December 22 Christmas
Read 2 books

Total Books Read So Far: 14
08 November 2012 @ 02:28 am
...I think.

I'm running away.

I'm leaving this town.

I'm never looking back....

It's really scary.  I'm still not sure if I'm actually going to go through with it.

A huge part of me is telling me go, go, go! And I really, really want to listen to it.

And I make plans and I get an apartment and I apply for jobs and I think, "Wow, this is really happening!"

And then I look at my dog, at her big, pleading puppy dog eyes.  She loves me so much.  She doesn't know I'm making plans to abandon her.  She doesn't know I'm about to leave her again, so I can live my dreams.  Those dreams that just can't make room for a dog right now...because apartments and roommates and things like that don't allow dogs.

And then I think of Rainbow.  And all my awesome friends there.

And I think of all the things I would miss.  Like Breaking Dawn with Caroline.  And Angel leaving on a mission.  And Thanksgiving.  Maybe Christmas.

And Michaela.  Oh, Michaela.  She is going to be so mad.....

But sometimes, you have to move on.  You have to tell yourself, "Tierney.  I know you're a Cancer.  I know it's hard for you to leave the security of home.  You're scared and you're worried that you won't be happy.  This might be one of those mistakes that you won't be able to fix.  But remember, remember, remember what you want out of this life.  You want adventures and new experiences and friends!  And even though you have adventures and experiences and friends in Lancaster, you'll never know what else is out there.  You have to go.  You have to go.  You have to go!"

So I'm going.  And yes, it's scary.  I'm actually terrified.  And yet I keep thinking of the new people I would meet, and the job I could possibly have, and how I could put down roots in Utah, like everyone else in the Mormon world seems to have already.

I need this.  I've always had this urge, this longing to go on a grand adventure.  To leave everything behind and start over.  Now is my chance.  I can sit here and wait around for the perfect time to leave - or I can throw caution to the wind and follow my heart.

Wish me luck --